


the special kind of hope for the last one left

by AnotherAverageAuthor



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 4x20 rewrite, Kinda, Other, but really this scene made me very anxious, ngl this is basically just to get over some writers block
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 20:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18880528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherAverageAuthor/pseuds/AnotherAverageAuthor
Summary: what if Lena had turned around on the plane?~~~4x20 rewrite of the almost-reveal





	the special kind of hope for the last one left

“Kara, please, I’m trying to apologise to you. That explosion could have killed you!”

The cabin had turned awfully cold all of a sudden. At least, to Kara it had. She’d been in so many close scrapes, so many near misses and moments when Lena had almost found out, almost figured it out. Most of them were closer than this time; really, in retrospect, it had just been a normal expedition to Kaznia to find evidence of a Russian clone of herself, nothing too hard-hitting. It was really just a simple in-and-out sort of affair, no frills, no accidents.

But this one, this time it hit harder, cut deeper than any other almost-moment.

Because the Eve wound was still fresh in Lena’s mind, and in Kara’s too for that matter. There was still the imminent feeling of dread every time it was brought up in conversation because Eve had betrayed Lena. She’d taken her trust and run laps with it and she had really only been Lena’s friend.

If Lena felt like this over Eve, if she had this much disdain in her for someone who had been around for a year, how would she feel if her best friend, arguably the person she trusted the most out of anyone, if Kara came out and said that she’d done so much worse.

They weren’t facing each other anymore. Lena had stood up and moved to the front of the cabin to make herself a drink leaving Kara in one of the plush seats, staring at the highly polished wall. Kara liked it better that way. She didn’t have to look at her.

“It wouldn’t have,” Kara whispered, her lips pulled tight, the knot in her stomach growing bigger with every shaking word that came out of her mouth. The explosion wouldn’t have killed her, she knew that, but there was no possible way that Lena could know that.

“I don’t let my guard down, ever.” Lena’s voice was cold, shuddering. The blazer she was wearing was pulled tight around her shoulders and even as Kara watched, her neck craning over the back of her seat, she could see the sagging of Lena’s breathing. “I did with Eve and she, she betrayed me.”   
  
Kara’s fingers closed delicately, almost subconsciously around her glasses, like her body was trying to tell her how stupid she was because Lena would be crushed if she knew.

“I let her in and she lied to me, every day to my face about who she was.” Lena’s voice was cracked and splintered as Kara watched her cold, intimidating CEO facade melt into a woman who had been through too much torment to get there, all from behind. “That’s what hurt me the most and I don’t think I’ll ever truly recover from that.”   
  
The glasses jumped a little as Kara’s grip stiffened on them and she turned back to face away from Lena. She couldn’t listen anymore. Every word felt like a dagger straight to her chest, a dagger that wasn’t born of Kryptonite, but of frustration and anger, because this stuff couldn’t hurt Supergirl. The secrets and the lying and the tiny pieces of guilt that slowly stacked higher and higher until it became so much that she couldn’t breathe under the weight of it all, couldn’t deal with having to hide everything from the one person left that didn’t know aside from Alex, that was all left for Kara to deal with.

Kara, the human, the reporter, the sister, the best friend who had been making excuses and fake stories and saying anything that she could to hide who she really was. Kara, the one who had really done all the damage.

“I know that there’s no way I could ever trust anyone again if it wasn’t for you.”   
  
There was no way that Kara could stand another minute of this conversation. Her throat was constricted, bound tight by the guilt harboured by the agony of having to face Lena as Kara, then as Supergirl, never together, guilt that was entirely her own fault because why hadn’t she just told her sooner?

She’d done it originally for the same reason she never told anyone her secret identity. She was trying to keep Lena safe, but Lena had proved from day one that she didn’t need anyone to keep her safe. What’s more, she didn’t need anyone to keep her from getting wrapped up in Supergirl’s day-to-day life because apparently being branded with the Luthor name was enough.

Every day had felt like too late and the longer she left it, the more intertwined Lena became with both Kara and Supergirl. The longer it was, the harder it would be to tell her later.

Kara knew deep down, so very deep down, that Lena had to know, but the vast majority of her was screaming in protest, wondering very loudly how she could possibly be so stupid, stupid enough to hurt Lena in ways that were barely imaginable.

She knew that it had to be done, but that didn’t mean that she was prepared for it to be right then and there. Almost completely of their own accord, her legs pushed her up onto her feet and she was spun around so that she was finally facing Lena. Her fingers again reached up to her glasses, but this time, they gripped them so tightly that they snapped in two. Mentally cursing her super strength, she shoved the frames deep into the pocket of her coat.

There was no going back now.

“Lena,” Kara whispered, her voice crumbling under itself, barely comprehensible over the wind outside the plane. Unsurprisingly, Lena didn’t hear her and she remained firmly facing the opposite direction, completely oblivious.

“If it wasn’t for your friendship, Kara, and your integrity… It just means the world to me,” Lena whispered defiantly, her voice growing stronger as the sentence grew.

Desperately avoiding every inch of her that was trying to make her turn and run, run from the confrontation, from the entire situation, Kara repeated herself, a little louder but just as shakily.

“Lena.”

Lena turned around, her eyes searching for a moment before they landed on Kara. With her glasses off, Kara could see her face more clearly and she wished more than anything that she could throw them back on and pretend that nothing was different, that nothing had changed.

Because it had only been one split-second, but it was one incredibly long split-second, one that was filled with every emotion known to man. Kara watched as Lena’s face morphed from confusion because she’d never seen her without glasses, to shock, to realisation.

Realisation that Kara and Supergirl looked so similar, that they were the same,  _ that Kara had lied. _

Her mouth fell open and it hung in midair for a minute before she closed it, jamming her jaw shut like it was wired together. Her face had fallen blank and now she stared at Kara, unblinking, unyielding. It was a Luthor specialty.

Kara’s heart was pounding wildly in her chest as she took in Lena’s expression, or rather lack thereof, and she couldn’t do anything other than wait. She couldn’t bring herself to speak or to try to focus more on Lena because there was so much pain that she knew was being held back. She knew that if she really bothered to look, she would easily be able to find it.

Mind racing, Kara dropped her hands to her side, wiping them nervously on her jeans, lowering her eyes and fixating on a slight misprint in the carpet fabric. She could hear Lena’s pulse, steady and controlled through her own coat, but she desperately tried to shut it out because she didn’t deserve to be able to hear it. Not after the way she’d acted.

Not for the first time, Kara had completely gone and fucked up the only good thing left in her life - because ever since an artificial barrier had forged itself between her and Alex, Lena really was the only really good thing left in her life - and she hated herself for it. Hated that she cared too much about people’s feelings so that by the time they started to care back, she was already in too deep. Hated that she hadn’t had the courage to just come clean the moment Lena made it clear that it wasn’t necessary to have that layer of protection around her. Hated that she was too stupid to understand that yes, there would be consequences for lying to Lena.

“Kara…” Lena sounded quiet and almost hopeful, hopeful that it was all just some big practical joke, some sick prank that could easily be explained.

“I’m sorry.”

When Kara forced herself to look back up, she wished so badly that she hadn’t because Lena’s eyes were filled with tears. Tears of trust and hope and of a heart shattered into a million tiny pieces.

She didn’t dare try to say anything else, didn’t see any worth in trying to explain herself because Lena already knew, she had to know why. It was glaringly obvious now that it was in the open, plus, she couldn’t imagine that there was anything left in her that could do it.   
  
There was nothing left in her, period. Nothing after she listened to Lena rant about how much Eve’s betrayal hurt her, nothing after she kept the most difficult secret of her entire life, nothing at all after she spilled it all under the spotlight to be seen and boy did it look ugly under such harsh lighting.

“Get out.”   
  
“Lena,”   
  
“Go!” Lena yelled, fury injected into her voice as she pointed towards the door. The plane hadn’t taken off yet, but somehow, Kara knew that there wouldn’t have been much of a difference if they were going at the speed of light.

Deciding quickly that there was little point in hanging around, Kara hurriedly moved to the door, shoving it open easily, and stepped out into the biting Russian air.

She’d screwed up, badly, yet despite everything, she knew she’d made the right decision. Lena had needed to know.  _ She’d had to.  _ There was no reason to deny it and that was what really made her stomach feel sick.   
  
There was nothing she could do to fix it. Lena knew and she was angry, as was to be expected, but still, Kara couldn’t change anything. She just had to lie down and accept her fate like a scared child.

Swallowing the huge lump in her throat, she turned away from the jet and began to walk back in the general direction of America, her heart breaking more and more with every step she took.   
  
Maybe, just maybe, there could come a day that she could apologise.

For everything.

**Author's Note:**

> do i have exams in three weeks? yes.
> 
> am i too swamped with other things to even think about revising? yes.
> 
> do i have time to be writing fanfiction? no.


End file.
